BLOG 2- STUCK!
Blog 2 will be about where I am in my skin at this very moment, which currently is STUCK!
I feel as though
I’m treading water and going nowhere but apparently this is a common occurrence with many people.
On taking a costly trip back to Australia last Christmas I needed to go home after a 3-year hiatus and arrived feeling like an alien, as though I didn’t belong anymore. I have been living and working in London for 8.5 years and whilst I find London a culturally enriching experience with much to offer, it can be a difficult and hard life. The saying could not be more true and poignant for my life in Australia that ‘I’m out of sight and out of mind'. I was able to catch up with quite a few people and get all my business and doctors check up’s done √ but people’s lives (and mine) move forward like the tides of time and whilst I make every effort to stay in touch with as many people as possible, there is no denying that I am ‘out of sight’.
Whilst visiting Australia I missed the UK auditions for Wicked, Oliver! tour, Regent’s park, Les Misérables movie, a job on Pantomime and countless other job prospects but I made a decision to go home and stuck with it. As my agent said 'one has got to have a life' and isn't that true? A recently reconnected friend on Facebook reminded me: 'I am living the ultimate lifestyle, having the chance to teach, perform and live on the other side of the world. My plans are exciting, rewarding and I have an enviable lifestyle'...I must remember that and thanks for the much needed reminder 'L'.
What’s next I ask?
Moving house on
the day I arrived back in London was crazy but necessary. I think it was move
number (I can’t actually remember) 10 or 11? Anyway, move I did
and after graduation day on January 12th it was straight back to school teaching to earn some much-needed cash.
The problem with day supply teaching is that I never know where I am from one day to the next but
with 85 UK schools experience I have the whole routine and forebearance down to a fine art,
except for the public transport problems, which are never ending and out of my
control.
Money is the necessary key/evil to get everything happening: Pantoland! needs costumes, music charts and recordings, press kits etc and NY, NY requires the cost of the entertainment lawyer and visa application. On discussing this with my composer friend 'A', he too is in the same position where he needs funding to get his project off the ground or to the next level. Whilst the search for investors is the way forward, one will always have to pay them back but for a small project funded by myself I then don't owe anyone anything, even though it's a costly exercise.
After not having
performed for 6 months (nearly 7) I am now getting itchy feet. The singing lessons have
started again as well as singing hymns in Church, gym classes, running and swimming
(albeit getting injured every other week) all of this to keep me going,
focused and on top of my craft. The acting classes will have to go on the back burner for the time being because
the costs are adding up. There have been a couple of auditions, not many, which
went well but I was not successful for whatever reasons.
Desperately trying to stay on top and on target with my life path I start questioning my faith and my belief system, wondering why my life is on hold? History tells me that it’s for a very good reason and all will be revealed to me at the right time, in the right place but it’s the waiting and wondering what that reason is and at what point in time it all gets moving again?
Off I venture down
the road amidst the thriving hubbub of Greenwich to a fortuneteller for some insight or some encouragement. She seems
more like a mum who is there for me in a positive way whilst telling me to 'sit
tight' because it’s 'all going to happen in a few months time'. I didn’t really
get the specific answers I wanted and I had to verbally prod her too much but I did buy a meditation CD that is more music
based than spoken (I have yet to play it). On running into another friend 'E' at
a gig, she too had visited the same fortuneteller by chance and had a similar
experience.
The answer to my probing question? I can do
nothing but sit on my hands and wait for a phone call from the agent about
another audition, keep school teaching to make money to pour into my projects and wait for the universe to throw me a curve ball literally in another
direction. There is also the 'prospect of impending travel appearing on the horizon' as was foretold by the fortuneteller but I know and have learnt from past experience not to push things and force outcomes which could ensue disastrous consequences.
Like the resting
actress, I patiently wait and rest…well sort of?
restingactress.wordpress.com
